I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
