I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
