Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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