I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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