Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
