so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
