how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
