make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
