i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
