I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
