does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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