I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
