last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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