drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
