there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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