You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
