I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
