4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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