im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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