I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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