This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
