SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
