this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
