you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
