I smell stomach acid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Mom said you looked used
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
