ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
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It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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