It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
