i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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