So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
