Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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