i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
