just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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