i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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