I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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