i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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