Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
