I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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