I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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