There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
