I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
