Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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