i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
