Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
