Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
