Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
