I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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