You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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