Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
