There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
