Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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