if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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