She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
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I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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