I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
