she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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