i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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