Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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