Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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