Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
