Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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