Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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