You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
